I am not a good engineer...

When people ask me what I do for a living, I normally just answer "Engineer". In fact I am not a good engineer althought I have an engineering degree is not important.

As a civil engineer I could not even design a simple drain or warehouse structure as I never spent time as a consulting engineer. I spent most time on the field but yet I am not a strong site guy who can bully people around either. I spend most of my time coordinating stuff, closing gaps between groups.

For a good 10 -15 years all seems fine as I always get to get a good job to boss people around. But now I am in a dilemma, at late 30s, there seems to be an imminent crossroad ahead which will determine my next 20 working years.

I used to be top student in the class, from primary to secondary school. I become a average student when I was in Uni, aprtly because engineering was never really my first choice. And partly because I am not disciplined enough.

As an engineer in a multinational copany, you get to earn wages way higher than your peers do in a local firm. You get to play a small part in a big picture and people tend to leave u alone. You also get to have a lot of rest time, big companies do not want to burn you out. The downside is the learning curve is slow and your adrenalin does not boil. There is little to job satisfaction. (In my case at least)

In a local firm, you get less pay as an engineer but you get to call the shots, make important decisions. You get satisfaction, many of my peers are now middle managers in listed companies, whilst I am still a meager engineer in a project team.

I forsee if I continue the path I am in I will end up like the old fellas in my team, a lot of them in their 50s and 60s, doing the same technical work, taking life as it goes, travelling the world when opportunity comes. Getting more than average salary.

Few years back my main motivation is to get a job that pays the most so I can accumulate most cash in shortest time possible in lieu of my failed business venture and corporate debt. IDid the business failed because I was not a good engineer? one wonders...)

Now I began to question my decisiona dn am looking into options which may get me out from the rat race.

A good friend who passed on few months back once told me he share the same dilemma, when we reac a certain age (like we have now) it is hard for us to compete with young fellas coming into the market tecnically if we are not already in a senior position calling the shots...

Well said bro. May you RIP. Seems people are thinking about you on facebook.