I am not a good engineer...

When people ask me what I do for a living, I normally just answer "Engineer". In fact I am not a good engineer althought I have an engineering degree is not important.

As a civil engineer I could not even design a simple drain or warehouse structure as I never spent time as a consulting engineer. I spent most time on the field but yet I am not a strong site guy who can bully people around either. I spend most of my time coordinating stuff, closing gaps between groups.

For a good 10 -15 years all seems fine as I always get to get a good job to boss people around. But now I am in a dilemma, at late 30s, there seems to be an imminent crossroad ahead which will determine my next 20 working years.

I used to be top student in the class, from primary to secondary school. I become a average student when I was in Uni, aprtly because engineering was never really my first choice. And partly because I am not disciplined enough.

As an engineer in a multinational copany, you get to earn wages way higher than your peers do in a local firm. You get to play a small part in a big picture and people tend to leave u alone. You also get to have a lot of rest time, big companies do not want to burn you out. The downside is the learning curve is slow and your adrenalin does not boil. There is little to job satisfaction. (In my case at least)

In a local firm, you get less pay as an engineer but you get to call the shots, make important decisions. You get satisfaction, many of my peers are now middle managers in listed companies, whilst I am still a meager engineer in a project team.

I forsee if I continue the path I am in I will end up like the old fellas in my team, a lot of them in their 50s and 60s, doing the same technical work, taking life as it goes, travelling the world when opportunity comes. Getting more than average salary.

Few years back my main motivation is to get a job that pays the most so I can accumulate most cash in shortest time possible in lieu of my failed business venture and corporate debt. IDid the business failed because I was not a good engineer? one wonders...)

Now I began to question my decisiona dn am looking into options which may get me out from the rat race.

A good friend who passed on few months back once told me he share the same dilemma, when we reac a certain age (like we have now) it is hard for us to compete with young fellas coming into the market tecnically if we are not already in a senior position calling the shots...

Well said bro. May you RIP. Seems people are thinking about you on facebook.

I had a dream...

I literally had a dream last night, one which I can remember vividly even after I woke up for work today. Can't remember when was the last time I had a dream with details I can remember after I wake up.

I was working in a office I was not familiar with, the environment looked a bit similar to that of one of my previous office. When the clock struck 5pm, buddy of mine, who is still close friend now called and we headed to a new joint for happy hour.

The place is new and it was their official opening day, it is a porsche club, double story, with wide spiral staircase and fancy lights all around. We walked around and bumped into some guys who were polite to us. They were telling us the boss is a rich fella and from the stories it seems that we actually know the boss, a previous employer to both my buddy and myself.

And then came a young fella who the guys we were talking to say is the person incharge. With the resemblance we quickly noticed that this young chap must be the son to our former boss. As I happen to know the eldest son of my ex-boss, I was quick to ask if he was the younger brother to Adrian, the young chap smiled and coyly nodded, but added that they have a different mother. Haha, the ex boss of mine was known to be a player and we knew that he had 2 or 3 girlfriends (later wives).

We ordered somethin to eat, but it was not impressive, and we were giving tips to the young boy how to stay ahead in competition, citing examples of well known clubs around klcc, some have terrific food, some have excellent live bands, some have hot hostesses... and this new joint have none, so far, it was just a big hug club plated with hard earned cash with no substance, which we think, will not stand the test of time.

Suddenly there was commotion in the crowd, lights were shining and there he was, the elderly guy we use to call boss, standing amongst the crowd like a superstar, now a self made billionaire, people were rushing to shake his hand.

He came near to his son and then he noticed us, qith a broad grin he shook our hands and seems like e was happy to see us. We did not get to chat with him and the boy left us to join his father to talk to the crowd. The father ad his arm over the young boy, which was odd as he was really strict to his eldest son Adrian, always scolding him in front of the staff, seems like this young boy is his favorite son afterall.

Then suddenly there was change of scene and there were car case, custom clearance (toll gate?) and we were last seen laughing walking towards the sunset...

Not sure what it all meant and also not sure why I even bother write about it. It is just that the memory of this dream is so vivid it is odd...

Any theories?